I have always been interested in war. That is not to say I like war.

My favorite American Girl growing up was Molly. Her father was away fighting in World War II and she dealt with rations and aluminum shortages, the constant news of developments, and grew a Victory Garden. I cannot say for certain that it was because of all those factors that made me like her the best. Perhaps what's closer to the truth is that her father was in the military, as was mine.

A list of my favorite movies all have some shared qualities. Atonement. Pan's Labyrinth. Across the Universe. Charlie Wilson's War. The Notebook. American Gangster. All deal with war in some way. None of them take place during current times.

I have a recurring dream that I am a soldier in World War I. It will vary in setting, but it almost always takes place in some pretty green meadow being destroyed by bombs, the whistle as they fall as I either cower behind something or try running away. It scares the shit out of me, but it's the only dream I have that I will have again. I've always had dreams about war--when I was young I would dream of searching for my father in some battle-destroyed forest. What does that say about me?

At some point in high school, I began knowing of more and more friends and friends of friends joining the military. Now, as a junior in college, there is a very large number of people I know that are serving our country in the military. I have written letters to those I know over there and I have gone to events to help out the veterans. It is the cause I am most passionate about. I cannot understand anyone that does not support our troops and who wouldn't want to help them out.

I have dated a Navy Corpsman for 11 months now. He has two deployments to Iraq and these 11 months make it the longest he has been in the country for three years. We have been lucky and I don't like thinking about the possibility of him having to be called back to an Infantry unit, or some other unit for a deployment to Afghanistan. The 30,000 more troops to go to Afghanistan might be in need of a field medic and his name might come up.

It's something that I have known about for the whole time we have been together. It's impossible to think about it all the time, so when you remember the facts it comes as a surprise. A violent, sickening surprise. One where all I want to do is throw the biggest tantrum, throw things, cry and maybe they can ensure me his name won't get pulled. I know I'm being immature but more than that, I'm being selfish.

Perhaps my prevailing interest in past wars will prepare me for what is a possibility of being the girl left on the home front. Perhaps I will find strength in the stories I have enjoyed in the past and from the knowledge that I and we are not alone. I want to be strong like Molly (American Girl), and wait for my Robbie to come back to me (Atonement), should he have to leave.

How else can you prepare for being on the home front? Take it day by day, and cherish the times when he can tell you that he loves you, goodnight, and good morning.

I have seen unprecedented rudeness from students today. Maybe I've been oblivious or I'm a little on edge because of the stress of two papers and a rewrite due on one day. But I would argue I've seen something unprecedented today.

In one of those big auditorium classes, for an Intro to American Government class, we had a paper due. This is not a class where we have any other papers due--this was the only one. Students had begun a pile of papers on the stage and the majority left for the holiday as soon as they dropped it off. That, to me, is acceptable. You have turned in your paper, nothing more is expected of you and most people had planes to catch or traffic to beat to get home.

The issue started when my professor started lecturing. The door to the hall did not stop opening and closing. People were sporadically leaving and others were sporadically coming in. If you've already sat down and expect to sit there for the lecture, what is the purpose of leaving once the lecture has begun? As for the people arriving late, it was ridiculous. They walked in with their papers in hand, walked down the steps, oblivious to the fact all eyes were on them, and continued to be oblivious to the fact that they had to walk in front of the professor to either hand him their paper or to drop it off in the pile. He began to get more and more frustrated with students, throwing down the papers as he tried to regain his train of thought. Still, students came in and rudely interrupted to turn in their papers. They could have easily dropped them off at the end of class. Instead, they came in late, interrupted the lecture, turned in their papers and walked right back out, not even staying for the lecture.

After a student refused to understand the issue of turning their paper in the middle of lecture after the professor tried to explain it, he began yelling at the rudeness of students. It was embarrassing. How could these students be my peers? I'm not above being rude myself--I make poor judgments as much as the next person. But to be so blatantly rude?

I had another paper due in one of my other classes, and I could just sit in class in the very beginning and watch people coming in with a variety of excuses as to why they don't have their papers at the moment and if it was possible to get the paper to the professor by some other means. Really people? If other people manage to get a paper done by hook or by crook, why can't you? I'm sure after a while, a professor just watches the door and wonders what new excuse she/he is going to hear and the kind of disrespect she/he will receive.

I hope after break people remember their manners.

I have a paper that is due tomorrow for my European Union Politics and Institutions. It has to be on a theoretical question concerning foreign and security policy. I have done most of the reading for this and understand at least in a basic sense the journey of integrating foreign and security policy at a supranational level.

But now I have to find, and debate for five pages a theoretical question while including some literature review?

So here are some choices:

* The debate between Atlanticists and Europeanists in the creation of a common foreign and security policy.

* The debate between the neorealist perspective, liberal perspective, and realist perspectives.

All the other topics I am brainstorming don't even earn mentioning. They are hypothetical arguments that would be hard to prove because they deal with a possible future event.

I haven't decided which of those two topics I'll pick but either way, my goal is to have most of it or my other paper done before 4. We'll see...

So this past week, I created an account with both Tumblr and Posterous. My reaction?

They both offer a nice way to share things. I like how with Posterous I can just email my posts. That’s handy. That takes away one step from the blogging process in my understanding of it. Both have simple templates you can choose to decorate your page. I would appreciate greater leeway when creating my theme—I don’t necessarily appreciate being confined to seven different themes with limited design control.

Both allow your posts to immediately update Facebook and Twitter—a step I’m not sure I like yet. It’s like sharing to the third power. It has its appeals: I can combine followers from Twitter to Tumblr or Posterous, and vice versa. I can eliminate the copy/pasting of statuses from one host to the other. However, it’s a little creepy. 140 characters of insight into my life changes into several paragraphs of a rambling, random me. And because of the amount of information on this combination of sites, I wonder if it is wise to link them together. Or if I need to go back to the middle school lesson of protecting yourself online.

I have a feeling Posterous might win out in the end, but I find Tumblr easier to navigate as a standing site. However, I am still undecided towards my personal preference of the two.

I'm doing that thing where I want to just drink a glass of milk and relax in my bed but instead I'm frozen to the spot watching a movie I've already seen, uncomfortable...yet continuing to not move.

This week, I have also created a Tumblr account. I appreciate people who race after the new advances and services available on the web. It's fun to be ahead of the curve. Whether I'm ahead in this instance, I'm not sure. In either case, I am looking for a way of having an online journal (not just a blog) that I won't have commitment issues with. In the past, whether it was hard paper journal/diary or blog (Xanga, LiveJournal, etc.) I have never kept up with it regularly. But they are fun to look back on and learn about your perspective towards a certain time in your life. With my new love for Twitter and some aspects of Facebook, the appeal of sharing that information and self-branding is also a part of this formula.

In brief, I'm attempting to find a new way of sharing my life. While also finding that balance of keeping it as my life.